Hmm... This is usually a sensitive topic for people, and I am not the exception. Recently my sec. school friend, Lixin asked me out for gathering, sadly I got to know it last minute, so missed it. She asked me to bring my bf along for the next gathering.. I so paiseh lorr..to tell her don't have..goshh..Then, somehow, something flashed by her mind that I still waiting xxxx..Frankly, when I heard this name, I will feel don't know nervous or excited and have stomachache..so wierd..
I don't know why I become quite happy to know how he is doing..lol My poly friends all told me its I 放不下, still hoping for the impossible..

I knew very clearly that blog is visible for everyone..but I still hope he won't see it coz like me so 内向 type of person, sure very 尴尬 one.. Then let his gf see also reflects badly on me.., so I have been thinking whether to post it or not.. ..

Perhaps is I really 放不下, but I always believe everyone needs something to push them on..I rely on this wishful pinning.. Seems like I so pathetic horr..But I cannot think that way or I will always 以泪洗面 le.. Now thinking of this, my tears rolled out again..stupid tears!

To make it transparent, I admired him since I was in sec2, OMG I also cannot believe. Initially it was only that he fits in my criteria. But, bcoz of him, I often stay back in school, like secretly accompany him..of cos not to let him find out.. N bcoz to get his info I even accompany his so called "god sister" home and chat in the bus. I thought not to let him know, but 好事不出门,坏事传千里..he knew.. I want to find a tunnel to crawl in ahh.. N at that time, he like one of my former classmates..

My heart sank when these happened to me..
~ When we doing the newspaper cutting in class during sec2 times, he wanted to borrow my glue. Okay, I told him its with one of my classmates and he told me "去拿给我啦!" and I really bring it to him. My friends said I was silly..perhaps yes but..haizz don't say le..

~ When it was his birthday, still in sec2, he threw a party at his home and he invited many friends..except me. Then my friends helped me asked him to let me go his party, and I heard he said "if I want to come, come lor.." N I don't why I still have the cheek to go for his party Maybe that time I still quite young, never think soo much.. I went there early, with Lixiandwe helped him to start the stove etc. I did not enjoy..only doing the bbq-ing with Lixin and xxxx's mum..His attention was only with his 心上人..patiently awaiting for her late arrival..She sat a taxi in, holding a big teddy bear n I could see the smile on his face. The girl was very popular among guys..and everyone likes to play with her and make fun with her..I happen to see them play, with the birthday cake..Ryan tried to stop them from having over fun with the girl and willing to do pumping for her. Hmm..if I did not remember wrongly, he really did! My heart crashed at the moment and I was very envy of that girl. Lixin and I later go 透气 and She told me to forget him..we are impossible and xxxx is planning to marry the girl in future etc.. Even at the end of the party, heading home, she also persuaded me to give him up, he will never ever fall for me.. ..Never lie, Tears rolling out and I sobbed as i was walking on the path back home, of cos until Lixin couldn't see me.. Upon reaching home, all I do was to hid myself in my pillow and cried almost the whole night. This is not the pain of relationship, but the price I have to pay for the one-sided love.. N it was a real torment for me!

~ Bcoz of him, I secretly did many things, eg. in sec3, he fall for one of my guides and I would take special care for her..When I accidentally made her blue-black on the ankle after a game coz of the tying of ropes, everyone like blaming me.. Then, I also blamed myself and tried ways of helping her..ending up ignoring the blow of the guide's whistle and got scolded.. I even apologized to xxxx, to my carelessness ending up hurting his beloved. He said until so 理直气壮 nvm and not his business! But what happened, Lixin later told me he cared so much for her, attempting to bring her to the doctor etc. Can uu imagine my feeling? Really don't noe what to say le lorr..

~ In around sec3 june, upon receiving his cold shoulder coz of our 诽闻, I even wrote a letter for him to request to be friends. Attached with the letter was my hand-made friendship band- friendship band was on trend at that time..

~ During my sec4 NDP at the holding school, his gf was one of my guides leader. I could only quietly look at what she did for him and their blissfulness. I could say to purposely sit beside her to have a near distance with him. I must be mad le lorr.. They were celebrating the National Day so happily and I really hoped to give them my blessing though I got a lot of 不舍得..but this kinda thingy is far beyond my control.. Later, my friends began to dislike him coz of his arrogance and I also realized he is very flirtatious, or should I say it nicely, a playboy? But I also not his who, so cannot say anything.. Maybe its right to say that love is no right or wrong and 真的在我眼里出西虱呀!

~ Things doesn't seems to turn better during my last year in sec school. During the F&N camp, its a great opportunity for me actually but.. I really don't want to be so thick skinned le..its enough for me! Occasionally, I will dream of him..LOL..N there were good and bad ones.. After receiving my O level results, or should I say our results, he only congrats me..nothing le..totally different from what I had dreamt siaa.. After that, once a while after my guides, I saw him perhaps after his sports, at food court..sadly, we treated each other transparent.. ..

This is nt cooked up de..lols. I thought to find sumone else to forget him but I cannot hurt others mahh..thats y I remain single lorrs.. 初恋 should be e most memorable one mahh, so must b my true lurve..

After revealin it.. I felt alittle relieve.. whether or nt to 放下, it rlly depend on my determination le.. So, jia youu Wileen! uu can do it!

Sign off,
Wileen

Labels: 7th post

Wileen Goh - My Full Profile
F
Going 21
Libra
Dragon
NYP- D.Accountancy and Finance --- Graduating soon
Occupation: Accounts assistant cum Student cum Tutor

TVs and movies attract me most.. It gives mi the illusion of the colours of life --- Happiness, Sadness, Bitterness and Blissfulness
Bowlin n Pool becomes my likes
Any touching songs that will moved me n my heart
Favours white as it represents chastity n pure
Spent $$$
Slacking..
Email: freakoff_88@hotmail.com
Friendster

Further studies
Play Piano
Understand music coz I love singing
More $$$$
status and fame coz reality is cruel
Friens
Happy Always
Be easily contented
Moments and everlasting happiness
Power to love n to give up
Plan for my future n not dwell my past
My Wishes cum true...

December 2007
April 2008
May 2008
August 2008
March 2009
April 2009

Hwee kee
Cheng xi
Linyu
Xiubin
Jolene
Yan Peng
Guan Qi
Patricia
Yan*2
Jian Liang
Choon Leng

A Place For You And Me
Before i let you go
A Love to last A lifetime
Forever more
Give me a chance
Hold on
一直很安静- 阿桑 [赤子乘龙]
鸚鵡-Kim Jeong Hoon [Goong Japan Live Concert]
替我爱你- 陈迪雅 [一房半厅一水缸] 片尾曲
Memories[魔女幼熙 MV]
Do You Know[魔女幼熙 MV]